Denial
The Wheel Of Fortune (2017) | Music & Lyrics: Constantine "phyX" Gentschev
I haven’t got much time left
What wouldn’t I give for a single cigarette right now…
So much filth incarcerated behind eroded steel bars
White coats cast a pitch black shadow,
looming mercilessly over the most desperate of hearts;
Once the shadow is gone, cockroaches keep you company.
My loved ones, they sit by my side
But they cannot comprehend,
Not even in the slightest.
I sit here tethered
to the forked tongue of a lie
That I might be around for a little longer than expected.
I have nothing to prove.
It all comes down to just a single word
A single sentence
By now you already know what that is, don’t you?
No.
As I sit here weightless
Lost from the start
Dangling by a thread
A heartbeat away from freedom
Please let me go
Thеy both already know
That flesh is weak
Spirits are poor
And there’s no way to be made whole
Can you just leave me alone
I have nothing to prove.
I have nothing to prove.
I have nothing to…
Anger
The Wheel Of Fortune (2017) | Music: Constantine "phyX" Gentschev | Lyrics: Martin Tonev & Constantine "phyX" Gentschev
The humour of life burning down beneath my skin
The blood boils – it knows no forgiveness
Poisoned with the spite of hopelessness
The black bile of betrayal drowning my soul
The rabid fangs of helplessness, that grind my soul.
The inner core of my existence, reaching meltdown.
My lungs – inapt pipes,
filled with shattered glass.
My heart – denier of hope,
The tying knot of lies.
My back, your knives.
(A subject to your scalpelsand their daggers)
Ripping, burning,
through the core of denial.
(Severing) Blistering,
my mortal shell.
The putrid smoke of my burning soul,
amidst the flames of anger.
Am I attached to this construct of death.
The Asphyxiating grasp of its oxygen hands.
A prison with two hundred bars,
crushed between its walls-two thousand p.s.i.
The suspender of death
The denier of life
You lender of breath
Provider of lies
Pin my wings
with your needles (ego)
Vultures pretending
to be people for real
My skin – peeling down
every breath sharp as a knife.
The dam will crack and tumble down,
I saw the gap that’s leaking life.
Burn all your bridges.
Shatter all your bonds.
Sever the silver cord.
No one comprehends.
The candle burns
on both ends.
Profound anger yearns-
a wound that never mends.
Don’t you hook me to another machine…
Bargaining
The Wheel Of Fortune (2017) | Music: Constantine "phyX" Gentschev | Lyrics: Martin Tonev
And she says it could be worse …
It burns hot, bright and white,
turning from white to red,
like my sheets,
as my flame is extinguished.
As my anger, as the sun,
kissing the bloody clouds,
my eyes kiss the skies.
Her eyes dilated in disbelief
My hand reaching for its fleeting light.
Her hands reaching for the light
the light fleeting, the lie fleeting.
As she prays to those priests,
in this temple of disease.
Heartbeats hammering at the sight
As she kneels to the syringe,
in this temple of death.
Heartbeats hammering at the sight
Name date, chisel and stone
extra systoles
Diastoles
Heartbeats hammering at the sight
My inner chime beating.
Extra systoles, diastoles.
Her vacant stare distorted.
The mantra of silence repeated.
I may die, he observes.
Cause they know and we trust
I have war in myself
Going on if you will
I can fight for a while
Can you stay with me now?
All my hope and my time
Shrinking quick
Deep inside
Like a bandage,
the vision unfolds.
Painful rancid rotting.
But I Nourished…
this lie for so long.
but maybe I could linger some more.
Some more, not forever.
Not even light can escape
the dark hunger of fresh tombs
but maybe I could linger some more
On this event horizon
Some more not forever
Could you hook me to another machine?
Please…
Void
The Wheel Of Fortune (2017) | Music: Constantine "phyX" GentschevInstrumental
Depression
The Wheel Of Fortune (2017) | Music: Constantine "phyX" Gentschev | Lyrics: Martin Tonev
...your life’s work will be done towards the end of the day. Obviously you don’t
like the youthful brilliancy of early light. Journeying in the morning doesn’t appeal to you. But your
cup of tea is the dying sun, old yellowish, and mellow. You don’t like the heat, you like the glow. And
thus you will dance to your death here, on this hilltop, at the end of the day. And in your last dance
you will tell of your struggle, of the battles you have won and of those you have lost; you will tell of
your joys and bewilderments upon encountering personal power. Your dance will tell about the secrets and
about the marvels you have stored. And your death will sit here and watch you. The dying sun will glow
on you without burning, as it has done today. The wind will be soft and mellow and your hilltop will
tremble. As you reach the end of your dance you will look at the sun, for you will never see it again in
waking or in dreaming, and then your death will point to the south. To the vastness.
Am I at the end?
To fade and to descend.
They wоnder why?
Have I resigned?
I hold your precious hand…
All ways burn
I see the shades of gold
Irresistible and so trivial
Reaching for my silence trapped within
Destroy all my walls and penetrate the I
I scream for something that I never had
Choking trepidation cast into the rot
But (it’s) not pain that makes me cry
It’s this feeling I can’t hide
I Quantify
All that I deny
Crushing feeling I can’t hide
Trying to convey
I can’t escape
Can see all I had
Inner core
Memories
All I have
Can’t escape the aspect of what I am
fading
rotting
darkness
through me
burning
visions
to hold
that fade
I fade
away
darkness
overcomes
drifting
on the
edge
losing consciousness
don’t want it
It wants me
Broken, shattered, unconditional, the agony of my ego. Recited fractured meaningless rant in circles. My
inner monologue suffering system malfunction. Through the cracks a flood of silence drowning my life
meaningless, meaningless fights with myself unable to touch the absolute. Spinning in circles of
memories endless, meaningless rant an accurate reflection of my life.
Acceptance
The Wheel Of Fortune (2017) | Music: Constantine "phyX" Gentschev | Lyrics: Constantine "phyX" Gentschev
I keep telling myself
how every cloud has a silver lining.
No matter how dark
the sun always hides behind it.
It gives you something to hold on to.
Something to fight for,
something to strive for.
My iodine prison is over.
On the smolderng path carved from the ashes of what we were
yesterday,
by the window I can see her beckoning smile
After so many years she still takes my breath away.
In that white gown, with that blazing hair,
in the vivid light of the dying sun.
A kiss, engulfing, asphyxiating
a moment, coiling in grey ashes.
Remnant of past fires
blue smoke, reaching the sky.
I extinguish them one by one
the tears and her sparks
under my feet, the dirt reminds me
How we will be
together again. (soph aur)